Wednesday, June 29, 2011

grief monster

I'm finally remembering to right, ahem, write (thanks Dave, embarrassing)about least I don't think I've told ya'll this yet. *shrug* Way back in April, when I got to hang on the beach for a week I also got to do some shopping and tv watching.

Leigh (my most fantastic 2010-2011 1st grade teaching partner - I'm teaching Kindergarten next year so I have a new team! I will miss her...) invited me to her parents house in Florida. It was perfect, I think I had to remind myself to breath all week, that was the extent of what I *had* to do. One day we sat and watched an old Oprah on DVR.

The first story was about a grandma who carried her grandchild because her daughter wasn't able. It was interesting...the next story was about an NFL player who's daughter needed a heart and was finally able to get one when another baby boy was not going to live and his mama donated his heart. Leigh totally asked if it was ok to watch and honestly it was. I ended up getting upset at Oprah!

Ya'll she sprung a first time face to face meeting between the parents of the two babies. The baby boy who's heart was donated had an 11 year old sister and she was a wreck. Oprah brought out the NFL player and his family, including the little girl who had the new heart. They had not been allowed to meet or even talk about the actual dates of the heart transplant because that is the protocol or something. I was MAD. That poor 11 year old, still grieving the loss of her baby brother (he was a few months old when he died), had to face the little girl who got to live. Both families were in such shock they didn't say much. I am still mad about it (obviously). But that is not my point. I watched both stories with little to no emotion, Leigh teared up a bit...and it was time for supper.

The next day we went to the mall. Leigh's little girl A is the most perfect shopping 2 year old ever. She's actually 2 1/2 now but ya'll, they got her trained to sit in her stroller and munch and drink while the adults around her shop. Leigh *might* have to raise my children or at least teach me her magic parenting skills. We went to baby Gap or something and it was a little hard...and then right out side Leigh's mom decided to get a pretzel. I almost lost it.

A no-salt pretzel with hot salsa cheese and a Coke was one of the first unnaturally delicious foods that I ate last summer after my sickness was over. I will never forget how much satisfaction I felt in the parking garage outside Macy's when I ate that. MMMMMMm. Marshmallow Dream bars from Starbucks had the same effect. Pregnancy taste buds are crazy.

Grief is a monster that is somewhat unpredictable. Watching a show about a baby donating his heart? All clear. Pretzel stand at the mall? TEARS.

Oh - I don't know if I ever mentioned here that Sammy's heart valves were actually not used. We got a letter sometime last fall that there was no need for them in the time that they were viable in our area. So strange.

:-) I've decided to stop drinking soda so that I can be in better shape for the 5k. I still don't think jogging/running this year will happen, but ? maybe? Still dreaming about the t-shirts but don't have anything in process yet...better get on that. Tomorrow might be the day I get my plane ticket! I've registered myself and have yet to register our team (kinda waiting to see if Dave, Duane, John, and Lisa will be able to join us). So far $325 has been donated and is chillin' in my paypal account. Woohoo!


  1. So unpredictable.
    I didn't cry during Amelia's funeral service but have since cried over many "Mall Pretzels."

    Sorry about the heart valves. Amelia didn't make the weight requirement. They did take her liver..but ended up not being able to use it. :(

    I do love Oprah but stories like that make me question why! YIKES!


  2. It's funny how grief works. Some things you thing would trigger don't and then others you think are ok brings it all on!! You just never know!!

    Ugh. Oprah.

  3. Yeah, it doesn't surprise me that Oprah would do something dumb after the book she wrote... she's gone a little crazy. Grief is definitely not something that makes any sense.

    So excited for all the money you've raised for your walk!