"are the clothes for you?"

A couple weeks ago I found myself thinking about what kind of little boy Sammy could be. Although I basically grew up on a farm, I am not a bug, spider, or small creature lover. Unless that small creature is a dog or cat. Turns out, my city boy husband is quite the bug, spider, and small creature lover. On more than one occasion I have been presented with a specimen in a jar "Look! It's so ______!" (huge, green, spotted, etc). There will forever be the infamous 'gecko' story of August '07...Thankfully, he's beginning to understand that for a non-lover like myself, a phone picture is good enough for me to appreciate which ever amazing trait the latest creature has.

As I was thinking about Sammy and his dad, I came to the conclusion that Sammy would have probably been right there along with his daddy, admiring the critters and creatures of the great outdoors. I hardly want to imagine what kind of pets we would have collected to satisfy both Sammy and daddy's curiosity.

These thoughts came in handy when it was time to shop for Sammy's clothes. Wanting to feel prepared before heading back to work, I decided to head into one of my favorite local baby boutiques and look for some clothes. I don't even think I bothered with make up that day. I had done some looking online for newborn or premie* clothes but I'm a hands on, bring it home with me now girl, so I had to check out at least one shop.

*anencephalic babies are often on the smaller at birth even when carried to term, at least that's what I've been told, plus, he could come at anytime*

There are a few reasons that we hadn't already started buying baby stuff but I think it was the Lord's protection too. Ya'll, I don't know what I would have done if we'd had any kind of nursery set up. I mean, we had purchased a couple packs of diapers and we had been given some baby carriers. Trust me, they were the first things to be tucked out of sight the week of the ultrasound. I, of course, had a spreadsheet of things that I thought I would want...I had tried to get Dave to pick out an outfit with me but he really wanted to wait until we found out the sex of the baby. I just don't know how people handle taking apart a crib...I did order a unisex blanket online and some cute little girly booties (I couldn't resist and everyone thought I was having a girl) for Christmas when we had plans to be in Minnesota but turns out the company I ordered from had a warehouse fire and they had to refund my money.

All that to say, we needed clothes for Sammy. I knew this particular shop would have a brand that carried "Itsy Bitsy" premie clothes so I headed in. There were 3-5 workers just hanging out talking about the shows on Bravo while I looked for some small clothes. At one point a worker dude asked if I needed help and I asked about premie clothes, he directed me to a couple different places they might be stacked around the store.

My brand had a few little sleepers in different bright colors, one specifically with alligators...then on another table I found a sleep sack type thingy (official term, I'm pretty sure) that was all white with a little green 'gator on it (that just so happened to be reeeeaaalll close to the color of the greens in the hats). I was feeling ok, but not sure if I needed to purchase both, but I love bright colors but I love matchy matchy clothes and hats...I was conflicted. And then worker dude tried to help me again. This time asking a question he'll probably think twice about asking anyone else.

Worker Dude: "So, are the clothes for you?"

Me: eyes widening ('cause you know, if you open your eyes real wide, the tears won't spill out) *nod my head, can't talk*

W.D.: "ooh, he's still in the hospital?"

Me: *shaking head, trying not to crytalk* "No, it's just, he's not going to live long after he's born." *look up to the ceiling with wide eyes, wipe tears* ('cause if you look up, the tears spill slower)

W.D.: "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, or you can..."

Me: "I'm just gonna get both." *head to register hoping for a smooth getaway*

It's just not the way it's supposed to go.

Picking out clothes for your baby is supposed to be fun.

I'm glad I did it. Dave even approved of the choices...alligators for the animal lovers, and cause wherever we are it will remind us of New Orleans.