Wednesday, October 27, 2010

I'm not the only one...

I must stop 10 times a day and think, "I can't believe this is my life". It usually happens when I see old pictures of myself or the date on something. Yesterday it was a little candy dish I made at Christmas time 2008. I thought back to that day, decorating pottery with my mom and sister in law. I remember and then it goes something like this "that was 2 years ago, little did I know what Christmas 2010 would look like...how different things would be". As I write this I'm struck with positivity, which is not where I tend to lean so !!!, and I'm actually hoping that one day I'll look back to 2010 and be a in a good different place, not the sad different place I feel like I'm in now.

I've had a few good days because I constantly tell myself that Sammy's life had a purpose and continues to serve that purpose. I get sad (<---understatement) thinking about what I wish his life could have been, or more likely what my life could have been with him, but I have to believe that his days were numbered and completed just they way they were supposed to be. Sometimes that inner monologue works, sometimes it doesn't.

I heard a song on the radio last night and a couple lines of lyrics are destined to infiltrate my dogma in these next few weeks. "You'll wake up tomorrow and wrestle the sorrow that holds you down today". So that's my plan, get through the days I can and wrestle out the sorrow when I can't.

ps - I am not wrestling alone, I've got some great tag team partners, obviously Dave and everyone praying but most effectively Jesus. He's strong and wins every battle he's in so I'm in good hands.

pps - Amy wins 10 points, I felt like my day was a few pages from the book "If you give a mouse a cookie", it's a picture book for children, it's good. The mouse goes from one random activity to the other.

ppps - Friday is Ella's birthday! Please keep praying for Courtney and her family as they spend these last few days lovin' on their precious girl.

4 comments:

  1. we pray for You and for the others!!!
    lots of love from Germany!!!

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  2. Praying for Ella and her family.

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  3. Melissa, your first paragraph details the trance that I feel like I'm in as we approach the year mark of Morgan's passing. Oh, my goodness--thank you for putting your words down to say what may be unspoken in the lives of many other mothers. Prayers for baby Ella tonight.

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  4. Awe DeNica... I can't believe it's been a year. Love to you!

    Melissa, I hardly ever win stuff... so proud. I just caught up on your prolific blogging lately! I was in WI for Fall Retreat. JKB was the speaker... made me think of you lots. Just being at a Fall Retreat? I'm not sure why. You would have loved the worship. Missing you!

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