Last weekend I noticed my milk at home had the expiration date of Oct 5 and started thinking about how cool it would be to get something with an expiration date of Oct 7...I figured I missed it with the milk and tucked away that random thought.
Tuesday and Wednesday nights were spent in tears just being sad about Sammy. I haven't cried that *hard* in a long time...maybe once since Sammy was born and only a few times right after the diagnosis. And I just let myself do it, hoping it would get out of my system or something.
Friday morning, my co-worker and I were standing in the cafeteria drinking milk and I noticed the date. Oct 7 2011.
me: "awww" - pointing to the date
JM: blank stare
me: "that's sammy's birthday, I'm tearing up" pointing to my eyes
JM: eyes widen
I tried hard to just feel through it, wiped tears as I collected the students trash, getting quizzical looks from a few of them. And then all of the sudden I couldn't stop. My kiddo's went with another teacher for a few minutes while I went and cried in the corner of my classroom until the absurdity of the tears made me laugh. SMH the expiration date made me sob.
*sigh*
I'm thankful for those who have shared their experiences before me so I'm a little less likely to feel bad about this sudden resurgence of grief. 12 months is a hard milestone to pass. I don't know what to do for his birthday. Last year, straight home from the hospital, I started thinking about what we would do to celebrate. This year, I dunno. Nothing seems big enough or small enough.
grief, it'll sneak you.
