Tuesday, October 2, 2012


took me a minute to think of a title to that *kind of* describes my heart, my mind, my grief, my love and missingness for my 1st baby boy. 

the weather broke. just the same way it has for the last two years. october 1st means cool. It also means the final decent into his birthday. 

saturday i cried thinking about planning a second birthday party. considered having one at the zoo anyway - only we would know that the birthday boy isn't actually *at* the party. i think i'm going to do mini rainbow cupcakes regardless of what we do. 

sunday during the saints game we chatted about next week's game and i hesitated to plan the game time hangout at our house. couldn't figure out why but i just didn't commit. then it hit me - 2nd birthday. i'm really not much of a party person. we grew up having family birthday parties and in middle and high school did more friend parties...but it also seems weird to do nothing. especially with all the brain time i've committed to october 7th anyway. 

the cooking/baking has continued. combined and tweaked a couple chicken enchilada recipes, tried a mexican sweet corn cake recipe, 2 kinds of bread and a batch of cookies last weekend. the cookies have been my sorry-i'm-late gifts to my team at work when i roll in a little late these last couple days.

 it's just hard this time of year. 

thrift store jammies...didn't notice the words on the feet til we got home

1 comment:

  1. awww... he's adorable. I love it when things like that happen, always reminding us that they are still alive. I noticed much after hearts became a 'sign' for Rachel that her jammies that she was buried in had hearts on the feet. Now when I see them, I feel like they are her footprints :o) Thinking of you guys often.