I feel this little dude kicking, turning, and moving around pretty often. And I know too many people with sad stories...so when I woke up at 2am and realized I hadn't felt him since approximately 7:30pm I started to get worried. I tried to stay calm but my mind just ran away with worst case scenario's.
So I found myself in the kitchen at 2am looking for sugar. Watermelon Airheads and chocolate milk where what I found...it's what I ate as I named my baby, wondered how I could return to my job again being "that lady" who has lost 2 babies, felt sad about the planning we've done (the few items we have and the registry that is started), and poked my belly which just felt squishy and fat.
I went back to bed and laid on my back. Within a couple minutes he thumped, I was relieved, and now wide awake from worry and sugar. After breakfast this morning, he was a busy little guy, probably thanking me for the midnight snack.
The worry. I don't like it. But I'm the girl who's faced a couple years of "that won't happen to ME" situations. Why should 2012 be any different?
I find myself trying to balance it all. Feel my feelings AND keep a level head. Hope but not *too* much (so if the hopes are dashed it doesn't crush me).
It's kind of exhausting.