Mother's Day #2

Mother's Day was one of my saddest and happiest days.

It was yesterday that I realized *how* all those baby loss mama's have the motivation to do something for their baby's after they are gone. From writing books, making and/or selling items in honor of their child, to setting up fundraisers and races, I have been amazed at what some mama's do. I just thought I was different, handling my grief my way, and applauded those other mama's. 

It's not about *how* - it's why. Yesterday I knew I would spend the day caring for Jake, doing for him everything I could to take care of him. It breaks my heart that I can't do anything for Sammy. I got a couple "Happy 1st Mother's Day" messages and that broke my heart too. It wasn't my first Mother's Day. I may have been an unconventional mother, but I was a mother last year too. Some of it is the pregnancy hormones trying to balance themselves and some of it is the process of starting to realize what I missed out on with my 1st baby boy. It was a hard day.

And it was a happy day, cuddling my Jake and being with my mom for the second year in a row on a day for honoring her. 

It was also my first failed attempt to get out of the house. We were all getting ready to head to the grocery store and it took longer than I thought it would.  So the baby needed to eat by the time we were all ready. :-) Flexibility is the name of the game these days.