39 weeks - The Plan

Well we made it. 39 weeks and most likely just as big, if not bigger than his brother. Last week's health crisis appears to be all related to that awful sunburn.  It's reduced to an itchy, flakey mess and I have no swelling or blood pressure issues. That made this week a bit easier.  Yet it's been an emotional week and I don't tend toward the positive very often so it was no surprise to me that I sat in the waiting room on the edge of tears this afternoon. I'm so ready to be done with pregnancy and to meet this little guy! I've been tired and having contractions randomly for a few weeks but had convinced myself that I'd probably be waiting *one* more week.

Thankfully I was wrong! I don't know what my Dr's deal is. Early in the pregnancy he was concerned about J's potential size considering Sammy's size and the difficulty of his delivery...and somewhere in the middle of the pregnancy it wasn't a concern any more. Literally 3 weeks ago he told me size wasn't *that* big of deal. And then today, he's back to worried about it. "Well, you're still growing, measuring 38cm's, that's usually an 8lb or 9lb baby." uuuuhhhh, yeah? He's been measuring big since his first measurement. SMH - pray with me for a safe delivery? Doctor said he wouldn't promise a vaginal delivery - given Sammy's birth...there are worse things in life than a c-section but I would love to avoid one if at all possible.

We have an induction date! Monday! He asked when would work for us, we said ASAP. The next availability was to go in Sunday night to get things started with a cervix softener pill and then to get things going with pitocin and breaking my bag of waters (I'm guessing) Monday morning. On the phone he said, "One way or another we'll have this baby on Monday".

Monday, May 7th.

Y'all. There were a few May dates that I would have loved to land on. May 1st was a monumental day last year, May 5th is Dave's grandma's birthday, May 12th was diagnosis day for Sammy 2 years ago...and of course the 7th is just always special. Happy 19 months in heaven baby boy! The way it works *down here* is that we give YOU gifts on special days yet it seems that you've been giving us the gifts all along.

ahhhhh! So I am awake at 4am, brain running, running, running, with all the things that *need* to get done in the next 2 days. My mom was debating about when to come in and after putzing around for a couple hours I realized that I would like an extra set of hands to help with some of the final details around here. I'm generally one who needs a deadline in order to complete a task (unless it involves data collection and analysis for my job *shrug*) and this has proven to be the same. I *could* have been working on this stuff all week. So mom comes in tomorrow and is missing her graduation ceremony to get here. (She just finished her counseling degree this spring! So proud of her!)

If you have a moment, say a prayer for us :-) I don't know if I've mentioned the "new-mama" anxiety that I've been feeling. I like to worry in advance *rolling eyes*. It's part of what has made these last couple weeks more difficult. It starts with remembering these days with Sammy, then I reassure myself this time it will be different, and then I feel unprepared and inadequate for the days to come. I recognize it for what it is - some kind of downward spiral of negativity and anxiety but sometimes recognizing it isn't enough to get me out of it.

Alright y'all. Next post should have some *amazing* chubby cheeks and a precious fuzzy head.