exhale *ahhhhhhhhh*

It's been a busy few days. I'm finally sitting in our big brown chair for the first time since Wednesday and it feels great. Thursday morning I was hoping I could title this post 'exhale'. I guess I've been waiting to do that for a while. For at least the last 8 weeks we've known we needed a new doctor I guess it's like we've been holding our breath.

So. Dr. v - not Dr. B. was right under our nose the whole time. Thanks for all your prayers!

Thursday morning we waited for quite a while and then got escorted to the new dr's exam room. He started by measuring my belly, after a quick glance, he questioned if I was even pregnant - ha ha - and went on to measure me and we are right on track for 30 weeks. I was nervous that I had grown a bit much in the last week and had been reading a lot about other mama's like me who have ended up with excess amniotic fluid and need it drained...so I was paranoid but turns out this is how big I am supposed to be and apparently how uncomfortable I am supposed to start feeling.

Dr v found a quick heartbeat, felt around for Sammy's head, let me ask a few questions, and invited us to his office to finish the visit. He started by getting an idea of what kind of birth we have in mind and offering us basically the birth of our choice (vaginal or c-section). We talked that out a bit and Dave and I have a few more decisions to make in the next couple weeks.

He then prefaced what he had to say next with "I don't want this to sound cold or calculating, and I don't want you to feel like an oddity" to which I responded "But I am, I understand that." He kind of nodded in agreement and went on to mention that there are a lot of medical students and residents at the hospital. He said they wouldn't be making any of the decisions and kinda trailed off because Dave and I were already nodding our heads. Dave spoke first and assured him we would be ok with residents or medical students observing Sammy's birth. Dr. v said something to the effect of "they will learn a lot, knowing the difficult decision you have made and experiencing it along with you". Only he said it much better than that. I was very impressed with the way the doctor said everything really. There was never any pressure to make a decision, he very subtly offered choices straight up.

I am soooo happy to be able to offer this opportunity to the doctor's in training at the hospital! I will be praying even harder for a peaceful, God filled delivery.

I asked if the hospital has a comfort care plan for situations like this and they do not. Dr v assured me the nurses will be made aware of the situation and I countered that I have been researching and making a comfort care birth plan. He said bring it in and he would make sure it got to the nurse educator and nurse coordinators. *awesome* I will be praying that somehow this can encourage the nursing staff to keep a comfort care plan around in case someone else needs to use it.

The last thing I asked, which of course made me cry, was about a referral to a funeral home. I asked about talking to a hospital social worker or if he could refer us. Again he answered in his subtle way about having buried a child and parents that he could recommend a funeral home to us.

So all in one appointment our biggest and hardest answerable questions were answered.

As we got up to leave, Dr. v apologized for the technical nature of our visit and said the following visits wouldn't be so rough. I assured him it had not been a rough visit, that I was ok with crying in front of people if it happens...explained to him that my mom is a hospice nurse that routinely tells me to feel what I'm feeling and just be. :-) I said it's other people who get uncomfortable when I cry, not me.

So yeah, wonderful visit. Dave mentioned Thursday afternoon he felt like a weight had been lifted. And I truly felt like I could exhale for the first time in a couple months.