it stings

it stings.

to write a to-pack list for this hurrication.

and have a line on that reads "Sammy".

what tropical storm?

Saint's fan by default. Minnesota and Michigan have some saaaaad professional football teams. Of course, one could argue bounties are sadder than losing records :-/ Whatever, let's focus on the cute baby. 

I'm supposed to be working on school stuff today but instead I sit watching news about Tropical Storm Isaac. I ordered diapers and wipes to be delivered Thursday :-/ We stocked up on freezer food yesterday :-/ natural disaster was *not* in my plan for this week. Just sayin'

Soon I will start baking...some how that always makes me feel a little better.

could they have cuddled like this?

Of course, I can't imagine a world where I would have ended up preggers with an 11 month old. But what if I had?

Interesting moment the other day. I have, of course, mention Jake in class. *smile* One day it was to remind the kiddos that my baby eats his hands and that's ok cause he's a baby but big kindergarten students shouldn't eat their hands. Yesterday my co-teacher referred to my baby and I had a shocked, sad moment where I was surprised that she would talk to the kids about Sammy. And then I realized she was referring to Jake.

Can you imagine? For 3.5 months it's been all about my baby Jake. Every other moment of the day I'm worried about how to pump enough during the day to feed him and wishing I could be with him. All of the sudden when someone mentions "my baby" it's Sammy?? Amazing what this time of year does to me.

Grief and my brain get more mysterious every day.

'tis the season

you know. or maybe (hopefully) you don't. 'tis the season of reliving my baby's birth and death.

It all starts with Amelia's birthday.  2 years ago I watched her mama dance the horrible dance I knew was coming for me.

As I looked over my kindergarteners birth dates this week I realized they were all born in the year I graduated college, got married, and moved to Louisiana (2007)...I realized one year I will look at birth dates and will miss my own baby heading off to kindergarten. I can't imagine how I will ever be able to teach that year.

It also occurred to me this week that it's like Jake knows. I'm sure there are other babies that seem bored at home and always want someone or something to watch. Maybe it's his age? Or maybe he was born to be the second child. He could have a crazy almost 2 year old brother to watch and giggle at.

I couldn't celebrate last year. Honestly it was one of the saddest days ever. And I was anticipating our first look at baby Lucido #2 3 days later...nervously hoping for a big ol' round head. I imagine this year will still be sad, but I hope, for Jake's sake and for my heart's sake, that there can be some joyful remembering too.

3 months

You're 3 months old buddy! Amazing. I feel like I've known you forever. This post *was* started on August 7th...

Your stats: 14 lbs 4.5 oz & 24 3/4 inches

I should really pick a format for these monthly posts and stick with it. *shrug*

The last 2 nights you've slept through from 8-9pm until 5am. It's wonderful! And a good thing 'cause mama was gonna lose her mind gettin' up all night *and* working all day.

It seems you've figured out how your bouncy chair friends work. :-) Mama keeps it on the rattle function so when you kick or hit the parrot or the monkey all the lights flash and it sings to you. You get quite serious about it. You've even been known to fuss at the little monkey that swings back and forth in response to your movement.  You seem to think it should happen the same with the frog that hangs on your car seat. I hear your feet and legs a boppin' every now and then while I'm driving.

In the last month you've started daycare and you seem to enjoy it. You smile at everyone when we walk in the door and you smile at me when I come to pick you up. I have my suspicions that every time you squawk you get a bottle so...I guess you would like that.

I felt my first belly laughs this weekend. You were tired and we wanted to show Daddy how much fun we have dancing. Otherwise, you're pretty stingy with the giggles. One time you giggled while nursing/sleeping. And I heard you giggled a bit at those girls you stayed with a couple weeks ago. We do see lots of smiles though.

You have found your fist. 80% of the time you will spit out the paci and suck on your fist until you have little raisin thumbs. You can rub your eyes even. Not so interested in grabbing things yet but getting those fists to your face consistently is definitely a new 3 month old Jake thing.

TMI? Probably. It occurred to me this week that even your bowels are growing up. I was getting concerned when I wasn't seeing poo every day. I mean, they would tell me they'd seen it at daycare but with in this last month you've gone down to 1 poo a day instead of lots of little poo's all day long.

You love the shower and baths too. Finally, water is your friend.

You really do think you're a big boy. Sitting up, or trying to, is your new favorite. No matter what position we hold you in you're wanting to hold that head up and look around. Half of the pictures from the official 3 month photo shoot are you watching your dad walk across the room.

You're wearing size 2 diapers, this will probably be your last monthly photo in a cloth diaper. You wear mostly 3 month clothes but some 6 month pants and jam's (pajama's).

Things you've been called this month: punky, punkers, punky pooters, punks, pumpkin, jakers, jake, jacob samuel (mostly likely after you spit up on a freshly changed shirt!)

I'm just tired mama. 'member those shots today? Not feelin' pictures tonight.

Love you buddy!

taken this week, but not *on* Aug 7th

back to work

day 1: where we goin' mama? it's early. 

The first day was the easiest for me. Dave took Jake to our friend Lindsay's house and I got ready with only the pups at home to keep me company. I must have gotten some sleep that night before...since that was almost 2 weeks ago I don't remember *smile*. I had Ben and Jerry's FroYo for supper that night while Jake nursed for an hour.

It's only gotten harder since then. Jake was with Lindsay and her two little girls that first week and he started at daycare this week. Monday I forgot bottles to pump into so I had to run across the street to the daycare a couple times to nurse before going home to get bottles (yes, his daycare is across the street the ideal situation since he can't stay with Lindsay indefinitely). Something didn't work though, I ended up with a clogged milk duct Tuesday. No fun. Know what else is not fun? Pumping. I loathe it.

I think he took a couple of days to adjust to both places. Then yesterday and today he fussed in the car  on the way and as soon as we got into the house he started smiling at Ms. Sharon, Ms. Allison, and whatever toddler was visiting the babies in the baby room. I knew he would love being around other people all day. Now we just gotta get a sleep schedule and mama on board with all this.

It's a crazy transition from pregnant to mama. We lived here for about 1 month when I found out I was pregnant with Jake. So when I think of school, housework, and life it all equals too tired and messy. Every night I'm amazed at how much I get done before "bed time" *smile*.

On the other hand, it's only been 10 work days and I'm feeling the pull from all sides. Teacher, mama, and wife. I've been disappointed that I can't do them all well. Already. I can't imagine how I'll feel in a few weeks/months when it all piles up. I'm averaging 1.5 breakdowns a week so far :-/ Every mama ever who's worked outside the home is my hero. And every mama ever how works at home is my hero. Don't get me started on mama's of more than 1 child. Super hero's. All of you.

one more pic, just for fun. he's discovered his hands can *move*.