Octobaby

As much as I've informed Sammy that his birthstone *could be* blue (sapphire) he seems to insist on wanting the pink (tourmaline) and being born in October. He'll share it with a bunch of family including me, my mother in law, a couple cousins and my Grandpa. I have big plans for the weekend (that should yield photographic evidence).

One of the things I'm most grateful for, since he decided to hang out for a while, is the gorgeous New Orleans fall weather that arrived. Usually we don't see this kind of beauty until November. Outside is tolerable and pleasant! Highs this weekend in the 70's! Cafe Du Monde is calling my name so the timing is perfect.

I'm anxiously awaiting confirmation of when my mom and stepdad are coming down. Since sleep at night is becoming more difficult and I'm requiring more naps during the day it looks like I'll probably stay off work next week. Dave mentioned that he'd feel better if my mom was here before a hurried call to come and what do you know? I barely had to twist her arm about coming a few days before the Oct 11 induction date. After my weekly dr appointment this morning, where the dr declared me unchanged w/ no progress, it looks like the 11th will be the day and they will be making travel plans tonight.

Sammy's been hitting me with some food cravings lately. There are still a few things I can't eat but the change is really that there are foods that I *want* to eat. I overheard Dave on the phone with his parents a week ago "yeah, she's right here, but she's cooking so I don't wanna spook her and make it stop". I'm grateful for a patient husband who went from having a wife that loved cooking all weekend to one that hasn't touched the spice shelf in at least 8 months (but closer to 9).

On one of my middle of the night journey's to the bathroom I was struck with the desire for homemade chocolate chip cookies. I'm talking I went from a half asleep stupor to a wide awake quick mind check of the list of ingredients I'd need. We were out of butter so it took a couple days for that to fully take hold but yu-um, I'm glad I had the foresight to give half of them away immediately. I could also probably eat Thai for every meal. Unfortunately it's kind of expensive around here so I've only had it once but have already claimed it as my birthday dinner of choice.

Yesterday I was explaining to someone how I can feel Sammy roll around and how his feet jab my ribs on the right side and as I pushed the left side of my belly (where I determined his booty to be) Sammy responded with a quick kick to my right side. So that's our new game. Push and poke the baby through my belly 'til he gets fired up enough to kick back. We'd have been great parents I'm sure *wink* Dave said "this is funny because we'd never push/poke at a baby like this." I responded with "eh, he's protected by all the fluid."

Happy 40 weeks Sammy baby! Feel free to come out and meet us anytime :-)

the latest - almost 40 weeks with an end in sight?

Fall break is here! Somehow it worked out that the week Sammy is due my school is having its fall break. Which is pretty much perfect timing. My feet are daily puffing to epic proportions by 9 am and I'm just generally uncomfortable in life. So I will spend this next week putting the finishing touches on my hospital bag, getting the house ready for company, and hopefully taking lots of naps.

We set an induction date. October 11th. Should some other scheduled baby decide to come early we could get bumped up to October 7th. Of course I am hoping for my body and Sammy to decide that labor should start earlier than those dates but so far they're takin' it slow. The doctor thinks Sammy has dropped down into position and the exam was overall less painful than usual indicating other things are happening but still no dilation.

Over the last couple weeks I have been so blessed by my friends and coworkers. Everyone wants to do something, they don't know what to do and I don't really know what to tell them. I appreciate that people will offer to help and admit they don't know what to do, this is such a weird, uncommon place to be for all of us. Friday may have been my last day at work and a few people made a point to say good bye, that they'd be thinking/praying for us, and make sure to let us know what's going on...I really do love my job.

I did have a sad moment as I was getting ready to leave. It made me cry and laugh at the same time. I was sad that it was Sammy's *possible* last day at school with me...probably more that it was *my* last day at work with Sammy. It made me laugh because it's not like he would come to school with me after he's born if things were different...and made me cry because if he's not with me at school that means he'll be in Heaven.

That's kinda the basis of where I am right now. Can't wait to meet Sammy, have my body back to myself and yet I know I won't be happy or satisfied by those things either. Just a reminder that true joy can't be found on earth so I'll be grateful for an eternal joy.

We met with Sammy's birthday photographer Thursday evening and I was quite instantly reassured about the team that will be with us on that day. I'm convinced we'd be best friends if we lived in the same city. With so many unknown details surrounding Sammy's birth it's great to feel that the things we can plan have been orchestrated as close to perfection as possible by God.

some of my fav's

I am afraid that New Orleans is invading my soul.

I felt comfortable last night in leggings and long sleeves and it was 83 degrees. And I'm 9 months pregnant. And I had just eaten some spicy Thai food. I am starting to fear winter in the North.

And I am currently in love with the "southernness" of these photos. Some how Sammy and alligators just go together in my mind. We've got clothes, hats and a blanket and a couple weeks ago I came across a great stuffed alligator when I was shopping for clothes for these photos. Sammy will always be our swamp baby.

*no "south" in this photo just love the color play*

*love Dave's smile in this one and Sammy's profile*

*and the Spanish moss hanging from the tree*

*again with the moss*

*missing real shoes these days*

all creatures of our God and King

lift up your voice and with us sing

alleluia! alleluia!

let all things their Creator bless

and worship him in humbleness

oh praise Him! alleluia!

praise, praise the Father, praise the Son

and praise the Spirit, three in one!

here's a peak...

single digits...

to Sammy's due date...so many mixed emotions...

I SAMUEL 1:27-28

For this child I prayed; and the Lord hath given me my petition which I asked of him:
Therefore also I have lent him to the Lord; as long as he liveth he shall be lent to the Lord.

the one where I confuse myself? I think?

We took some maternity pictures this week with a wonderful woman from church. Some how the 90 degrees felt cooler (it was a *little* less humid) and standing around in a park wasn't too bad. The pictures turned out great - baby belly with a gorgeous Louisiana back drop - and I will post a couple here soon.

The photographer posted a comment on the album.

"But now faith, hope, and love, abide these three but greatest of these is love."

1 Corinthians 13:13

First glance - awww, sweet verse. Yeah, Dave and I love each other and we love Sammy.

Then Thursday morning was just one of those mornings. Nothing was going right, hit the "off" instead of the "snooze" button and woke up 10 minutes later than I planned. I kinda felt like I'd been hit by a truck anyway so that didn't help. I tried to get some music started but the computer battery was dead, so I plugged my ipod into it's dock to play and it wouldn't. Eventually Dave figured out how to make it work, music playing commenced and I no longer felt the world was against me. (dramatic much? yes.)

On the drive to work (at a red light - I promise) I looked at some of the photo's again and read the verse again. This time it sunk all the way in...

FAITH & HOPE

I was recently challenged by a speaker who said "Faith and fear are opposites. They cannot coexist." Up until that point I would not have said that I've been lacking faith lately. In fact, I would have said the opposite. How could I be walking this path without faith? WHY would I be walking this path without faith in the Lord? And yet I totally get it. I still have fears and that's natural as a woman and an aspiring mama but I need to trust the Lord *even more* in those fears.

So when I read 1 Cor. 13:13 I'm all "yeah, faith, hope and love, I'm good with all that. I have faith - I'm learning about faith, my faith is growing. faith faith faith."

As the word hope sinks in I'm all "shawww - duh I abide in hope. If I didn't I'd be an even BIGGER mess." Sometimes I feel like all I have is hope. Days when the hope is hiding are horrible, cry-y, messy days filled with crazy thoughts. I hang out on hope, I get hope. Hope and faith is where it's at!!

And then comes the but. "but the greatest of these is love."

LOVE

Sooo, I'm sensing a theme here Lord? From the first verses (back in May) that tormented me about how deep and unescapable the Lord's love is, to the most recent reminder that the greatest of these is love I! cannot! escape! the! message!

I mean, sheesh, I waited until I had the "perfect name" for my blog to even start it.

The best visual I have for how this is all connecting in my mind is this: it's like I'm helping my grandma untangle some yarn...each connection the Word brings together for me is little more leeway on the tangled yarn to wrap it tightly around the ball that we are trying to form so that we can easily use the yarn for something useful. You know, as opposed to having a tangled mess of yarn at the bottom of the sewing pile.

The Lord's teaching me about love, challenging me with the depth and stamina of my faith, and I'm struggling with fear. My mantra in the face of fears is "perfect love drives out fear." I finally look up that verse in it's entirety:

"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear." 1 John 4:18a

Oh. There's no fear in love and faith cannot coexist with fear. (this is where my brain starts hurting too, so stick with me if you've made it this far). I need to abide in faith, hope, and love, the greatest of these being love.

I know the Giver of perfect love. He's my Lord and Savior. And in all this craziness He's refining my love.

I am feeling Zechariah 13:9 - "I will refine them like silver and test them like gold. They will call on my name and I will answer them; I will say, 'They are my people,' and they will say, 'The Lord is our God.'"

Sure I've had faith, hope, and love throughout the last few months and cling to those things daily. But is here another way to understand and live out those truths? Apparently so. I'm thankful for a God who will meet me where I am and give me the confidence to face each new day.

I've heard 1 Cor 13:13 before. Lots. And I still would have said that faith and hope were more important than love. Until this week. I'm beginning to understand how intertwined they all are and oh yeah, scripture says that love is the greatest of these.

SMH

**Quick side note** as I reread this I realized I have an understanding of what "refining" metals means and want to share my understanding. Refining silver or gold requires heating it up to an incredibly hot temperature so that the imperfections will float to the surface where the refiner can pick them away. Was it silver before it was refined? Yes, but by taking out the imperfections it is now a more pure silver. Does that make sense? I'm not saying that Sammy is being solely used to refine me, but that through this journey, as an effect of the journey, I am being refined...yeesh - circular talk makes my head hurt! **end side note**

i love teaching first grade

D: "That's the teachers up there, and the kids lined up at the bottom."

Me: "What's that?" *pointing to the teacher on the left*

D: "That's your baby in your tummy!"

week 37

It's been a great week. One in which I daily felt much love for my job...even when my feet were at their puffiest and it took extra long to get up from sitting criss-cross applesauce on the floor with the kids. I love my school, my coworkers, and my class. This is probably an answer to one of Dave's biggest prayers in the last three years.

And kinda funny that I look back at this week as being great. More than once I was kept awake for a few hours with restless legs...and both Dave and I have been battling some kind of cold/sickness. Dave had to stay home from work one day and I just had to struggle through work with a stuffy head and sore throat. Sleeping was not great anyway. Oh yeah, and there is this baby moving around in there at all hours, taking turns with Braxton Hicks at making me uncomfortable (not that I'm complaining!).

Today I called on ya'lls prayers...the sub who will be in my class while I'm out sent home a letter today with her contact information stating she would be the class contact after September 24th. I asked her to remind the students to tell their parents about the letter but she kinda told the students about the letter so they had TONS of questions when I stepped back into the room about when I was leaving, how long I would be gone, and of course, lots of questions about the baby.

student 1: "When are you leaving?"

me: "in two weeks, he should be coming out of my tummy when we have our fall break."

student 2: "will you bring him to school?"

me: "probably not." thinking *don't cry, don't cry, don't cry*

student 3: "I will miss you when you're gone."

me: "I'll miss you all like crazy too."

student 4: "I wonder what he'll look like."

me: "me, too."

student 5: "it's a boy right?"

me: "yup"

student 6: "what's his name?"

me: "I'm so glad you asked, his name is Sammy."

students: "Sam I am!! awwaw!"

me: "yes, kinda like Sam from the book Green Eggs and Ham."

student 7: "last year, when I was in kindergarten with her, and her, and her, we read this book about this little boy...and there was a hat? And they was trying to get the little boy to eat...green eggs? and ham? His name was Sam."

me: "mmhmmm."

student 8: "when he's in first grade will he go to school here?"

me: getting overwhelmed "I don't know"

sub: noticing overwhelming questions, knows I was trying to avoid this

student 9: "will he be a car rider or a bus rider?"

me: "do babies ride schools buses?"

students: "noooooo"

sub: "ok, now I want everyone to think about their favorite part...."

Yikes. I was not ready for that barrage of questions with answers that I don't like.

Guess I should have seen it coming when earlier this week my 'lil bit of a student who says "good bye baby" to my belly occasionally, walked up, patted my belly and asked how the baby was going to get out of my tummy. :-) My response "I don't know - what do you think?" Thankfully, she didn't know either and wasn't concerned that I didn't know.

Dr appointment went well this week. Belly grew 2 centimeters and we gained 2 lbs. My body's making a little progress towards being ready to deliver but nothing drastic. Later that day I met with Wendy and the fill-in doula Heidi. Dave was sick that day so it was just us ladies. I really don't know how (or why) anyone would do labor without a doula and I'm glad the Lord provided these 2 ladies to be a part of our journey.

warm fuzzies

every time I think of this I smile and get that warm fuzzy feeling.

Our *fantastic* doula, Wendy, just so happens to be celebrating her 25th wedding anniversary in a couple weeks. Part of the celebration will take them out of town so she started looking for someone who would be available to cover while she is unavailable.

She called a friend who is unavailable but her friend went on the look out for someone too. So finally they found someone who was available. Wendy called her (let's call her H for now) to fill her in on our situation and just have an initial conversation with her.

Wendy begins telling her our story...

H: "Do they go to All Nations Fellowship?"

Wendy: "yes, they do."

H: "Oh. I've been praying for them!"

?!?!?!

Really? Turns out H works with someone (I have yet to find out who) that goes to our church, heard our story, and has been praying. We should be meeting with her this week to get familiar with her if she ends up being the doula at Sammy's birth.

I mean, New Orleans is a small city for sure, but I still love how the Lord is in the details. And to hear about another person who's praying that we don't even know? *warm fuzzy*

Here we are! 36 weeks 3 days!

changes

So there have been some changes this week that I wanted to make note of...

1st - things are getting done. :-) I've been talking about starting a list of things to get done before Sammy's born since at least May and it has finally been started. At work I've had a list of things to do since the first week of school and it was started and completed on Monday. Looks like someone might be nesting...

2nd - my appetite has completely changed. On Tuesday we had our August birthday celebration at work and 2 cakes were provided - one short cake with fruit and the other was chocolate with chocolate frosting (yu----um). But it looked too sweet, I couldn't have any. What?!?! Chocolate cake with chocolate frosting is my FAV. And my peanut butter and jelly was too sweet too. I had yogurt and pickle chips for lunch that day. ???

3rd - my need for sleep has *increased* AND I'm sleeping harder and better. well, better with the addition of a pillow under my upper torso...added to the pillow for my head and my body pillow. In a perfect world there would be one more pillow behind my back but I'm waiting until absolutely necessary to add that one. :-)

Had a doctor appointment today and seems like my body is getting ready. Cervix is softening, and something something something at 60%. Which kinda means nothing since there are about 100 different ways women start the labor process...but I like to think it's better than nothing!