prayer and support email #1

It is with tears in my eyes and the heaviest heart I can imagine that I write this. Last Wednesday we had our anatomy ultrasound, the usual midpoint check on the baby's development. The results were devastating. Our baby boy (yay blue!) was seen to have severe Spina Bifida and anencephaly (the top 2 hemisphere's of his brain are not there). The doctors' sent us home to grieve, giving us no hope. They say he has no "life" and if he makes it to full term he will not live long (although they wouldn't say how long/not long). We are heartbroken. We believe the Lord has numbered our baby's days and as long as it is safe for me, I will carry him and we will share these days.

We are still rejoicing in the movements that we saw with our untrained eyes. We heard a heartbeat and saw the little guy moving his hands, arms, legs, and feet. According to the doctor's this is involuntary movement...we kinda don't care what kind it was, it was amazing to see. We rejoice in the little kicks he provides throughout the day. This morning I rejoiced when I had to bend over more at the kitchen sink because he's growing, pushing my belly in the way when I do dishes.

Dave. I don’t know how to put in words what he means to me right now and how well he is taking care of me. I am blessed, humbled, and honored to be married to this wonderful man of God.

What’s next? Waiting and travel. I have a regular 4 week appointment next Monday with my OB doctor where she can hopefully answer some of our questions. My mom is coming into town for that, Dave’s parents are coming after she leaves, we are heading to Denver (family) after they leave...and then we will head to Minnesota for a week or so in June.

Please pray that my doctor will be understanding and supportive of our decision to carry this baby as long as possible. She did mention having a patient recently carry a baby with similar problems to term because of “deep faith”. So pray that we can be a witness to her as well.

Thanks to all the people who have been praying! I give God all the credit for holding us up during this time, He is answering those prayers. I know there will be healing too. For this baby or for Dave and I, but there WILL be healing. So please pray with us for that healing. I have received some greatly timed texts and emails, reminding me of the prayers that are surrounding us, thank you.

God's biggest message to me has been how all encompassing His love is for us. At first, the music and scriptures were disheartening...I felt like I had found a place where God was not these things. Thankfully my mom was able to process for me that God was *reminding* me about his lovingkindness being everywhere, not taunting with me. I even woke up from a nap that first day with a song in my head "it's gonna take a lotta love, to make it through somehow". Since then I am clinging to His promises.

Psalm 32:10 “Many are the sorrows of the wicked, but he who trusts in the Lord, lovingkindness shall surround him.”

Here is a link to an iMix of my current playlist of music...I will also link to a youtube video of an artist that I found right about the time this pregnancy started, “Your Hands” by JJ Heller. Along with scripture, music is a great coping tool for me and I know some of you may be interested in the music that is keeping me together right now.

iMix: http://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewIMix?id=372709408

"Your Hands" by JJ Heller : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9YiULD_Ng8o