the night before your 5th birthday

Sammy,

I miss you. This year was no different than the previous 5 years. My body knows how much I miss you before my mind catches on. 

This year it started with all the friends 2010 babies starting kindergarten. You have a "bad birthday" so you would have been only starting pre-k this year...but I continually lose my breath to see another 2010 baby headed to kindergarten. 

Nana bought Jake a picture book that explains about your part in our life. Jake found it a couple months ago and seeing as we have a few pregnant women in our life he has been fascinated with reading it. 

Our bedroom

We had a slight miscommunication at Mother's Day and Daddy got my 3 babies framed (top right)...which also took my breath away. What I wanted framed was that picture on the bottom left. Samuel, in found object photography, with my life verse printed over your nickname. You have a presence in most of the rooms of the house now.

Sister's room:
I'm sure that red-headed boy is supposed to be Superman but...I see S for Sammy 

Kitchen wind sill above the sink:
I mean, it's been 5 years, there will be some casualties (broken gator tail)

The weather changed last week. I will forever remember the first time I needed a sweater in late September of 2010 outside Suko Thai. It was *only* 80 degrees and there was a *chill* in the air. So every fall when the weather finally changes I think of 2010. I start to think about your birthday. 

First I lose my appetite. Then I just want to sleep. It took a few days for me to get some time alone  this year but within 3 minutes of quiet I realized I was sad.

I have so many questions. Each new stage in Jake and Bellamy's life brings a few more.

I often wonder if you know how much you changed me. The last 5 years have been full. FULL. I wonder if you know that without you it all would have been different.

I miss you. So much.

*momma

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 8:35, 37-39

If you want it, come and get it, for crying out loud

This love that He has, given to you, is never in doubt

**David Gray-ish *wink* 

It's been a while...things have happened.

In March we added a girl to our family! Jake has a wicked picturey smile but this is was the first duo shot I found. Baby girl has Sammy's red hair! I was predicting it with how sassy she seemed in utero...and sure enough, we have our ginger. She's opposite of Jake in many ways, starting from day 1 in the hospital. Those two have nothing but love for one another, it's very fun to watch.

I am transitioning jobs! I sadly said good bye to my pre-k position in a public school and will be teaching a 3-4yo class at a Mother's Day Out program. My kiddos will be with me, the hours will be shorter, and hopefully life will be a bit simpler. We shall see! My favorite part of the transition has been a real summer break. I mean, I know as a teacher I was lucky enough to *get* a summer break, but it has been shorter than what I was used to since we moved down to New Orleans. And since baby girl was born in March it was even more extended. It has been wonderful, I've had 5 months at home with these two.

Another thing this break has afforded me is time to read. The weekend Bellamy was born something happened in Baltimore. I kept seeing references to riots and Freddie Gray. So I started reading. I wasn't one to watch the news in general but it quickly became clear that the news I was reading wasn't carried on network stations anyway. I'm finally making time to sit down and organize my thoughts about the happenings that don't make the news.