Monday, October 22, 2012

we're so busy!

celebrating big bro's bday (closest to a 5mo pic we got this month) 
supervising pumpkin carving
mama was there too!

visiting with Boppa and Great Grandpa

...bathing in the sink after the poo'splosion.
learning that hands can splash! what fun!
playing with Nana's new toys...
...pooing on Nana's new toys...

And! And! Eating "solid" food!
Dr recommended, Mama's not ready, baby boy enjoyed. 

Sunday, October 7, 2012

happy birthday my forever baby

Confess, your kiss still knocks me off my legs.The first time I saw you was like a punch right through my chestand I will forever, ‘cause you’ll forever bemy one true broken heart, pieces inside of me 
and you’ll forever, my baby be.
You will rest your head, your strength once saving.And when you wake you will fly away,holding tight to the legs of all your angels.Goodbye my love, into your blue, blue eyes,your blue, blue world, you're my baby blue.
Confess I'm not quite ready to be left.Still, I know I gave my level best.You give, you give, to this I can attest
You made me, you made me.You and me forever, baby.

DMB - Baby Blue

Tuesday, October 2, 2012


took me a minute to think of a title to that *kind of* describes my heart, my mind, my grief, my love and missingness for my 1st baby boy. 

the weather broke. just the same way it has for the last two years. october 1st means cool. It also means the final decent into his birthday. 

saturday i cried thinking about planning a second birthday party. considered having one at the zoo anyway - only we would know that the birthday boy isn't actually *at* the party. i think i'm going to do mini rainbow cupcakes regardless of what we do. 

sunday during the saints game we chatted about next week's game and i hesitated to plan the game time hangout at our house. couldn't figure out why but i just didn't commit. then it hit me - 2nd birthday. i'm really not much of a party person. we grew up having family birthday parties and in middle and high school did more friend parties...but it also seems weird to do nothing. especially with all the brain time i've committed to october 7th anyway. 

the cooking/baking has continued. combined and tweaked a couple chicken enchilada recipes, tried a mexican sweet corn cake recipe, 2 kinds of bread and a batch of cookies last weekend. the cookies have been my sorry-i'm-late gifts to my team at work when i roll in a little late these last couple days.

 it's just hard this time of year. 

thrift store jammies...didn't notice the words on the feet til we got home