you know. or maybe (hopefully) you don't. 'tis the season of reliving my baby's birth and death.
It all starts with Amelia's birthday. 2 years ago I watched her mama dance the horrible dance I knew was coming for me.
As I looked over my kindergarteners birth dates this week I realized they were all born in the year I graduated college, got married, and moved to Louisiana (2007)...I realized one year I will look at birth dates and will miss my own baby heading off to kindergarten. I can't imagine how I will ever be able to teach that year.
It also occurred to me this week that it's like Jake knows. I'm sure there are other babies that seem bored at home and always want someone or something to watch. Maybe it's his age? Or maybe he was born to be the second child. He could have a crazy almost 2 year old brother to watch and giggle at.
I couldn't celebrate last year. Honestly it was one of the saddest days ever. And I was anticipating our first look at baby Lucido #2 3 days later...nervously hoping for a big ol' round head. I imagine this year will still be sad, but I hope, for Jake's sake and for my heart's sake, that there can be some joyful remembering too.
Beautifully articulated, Melissa. "I imagine this year will still be sad, but I hope, for Jake's sake and for my heart's sake, that there can be some joyful remembering too." It will always be sad to remember certain aspects of Sammy's life and death, but we will pray for "joyful remembering" too. It will always be a basket of mixed emotions, bitter and sweet. Reminds me of my life's motto since 2010: It.is.what.it.is. You're a realist. You get that. :-) I love you.
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