Tuesday, June 29, 2010

P&S #10

An answer to our prayers...but not in the way that I expected.

I got a call back this morning from Dr. R's office and she is not taking any more high risk patients this year (felt like an excuse)...Dr. W (current OB) never mentioned that I would need to find a specialist or that this is considered high risk. The nurse on the phone said "Didn't Dr. W give you a list of doctors to try? You should call her nurses and get a list." Done. I am done with this hospital system.

I had only been awake 10 minutes or so and I gotta say this could have ruined my day. I have not ugly cried like I did after that call - ever in life. I hung up and feeling like no one wants me or my baby. I don't know why the hurt is so deep but it really is.

And yet I knew that everything is going to be ok. I wanna say it was a peace that passes any understanding, as loud and ugly as my crying was, my heart had peace. I will find a doctor, no matter how ridiculous the road to getting there may be.

I'm learning a lot about the Lord through all of this. His ways are definitely not my ways - and while I thought I understood so many stories and verses in the Bible going through this has given me a whole new appreciation for many of them.

I wanted to crawl in a hole after that call, but I have too much to do today so I went about my chores. I thought of Mary - the woman who was an outcast to society yet she worshipped the Lord anyway, with people watching and judging. I feel overly dramatic feeling a connection to her story, this is only 5 months of my life - not an entire lifetime of being cast aside, misunderstood, or hard to relate with. But I immediately downloaded the song Alabaster Box by Cece Winans and understood to a new depth how we should never judge someone's praise because ya'll, we just don't know what people have been through, or are going through. I've always loved the song, tear up every time I hear it. It brought me a piece of healing of today. I know the Lord is with me, I felt His peace as I cried and fussed at Him, I will praise Him - no one knows how it feels it when He wraps His arms around ME. As much as anyone wants to help, there are some things only Jesus can do and I will praise Him for it.

Cece Winans - Alabaster Box - http://wwwyoutube.com/watch?v=Uq8VP9osGrg

One of Dave's coworkers mentioned a Maternal Fetal Medicine (high risk) doctor at another other hospital system who was great for them, so I called the MFM office and they told me to get my records faxed to them and they'll look 'em over, and get an appointment set up. It was an easy call to make, I hope this will be the beginning of the end of my search for a new doctor.

Thanks for your prayers - I had to share how they were answered today.

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